A Big FAIL!!

You know how in Band Hero, if you do a super awful job, it says, 'Band FAIL'? Well, we have had a couple of real life FAILS in the past few days. One is particularly funny so here goes:
Jonathan turned 13 and for his birthday he invited over 8 boys to share in the fun of games, presents, and of course cake and ice-cream. But as Jonathan doesn't like cake, we had ice-cream cake. You know, the frozen kind. Keep that in mind.
Well, it was time to light the candles, all thirteen of them, and one of the boys asked if he could help me light the cake. "Sure", was my quick response. I started to light the matches and realized that although they were wooden, they were worse than the paperbook kind. They were cheap: hard to light and quick to burn. My helper tries lighting one and it breaks. He tries another and another but they all break as he strikes them. At last one lights, but he is so used to them breaking that it takes awhile for him to absorb the fact that the match is actually on fire and ready to light the candle. By the time he finally gets the match to the candle, he realizes that there is very little remaining, in fact, before he can light another candle the match starts to burn his finger. Now I ask you, what would you do in this situation? Well, I am not sure what I would do, but I know that what happened next took me by surprise. He dropped the match, like a hot potato right on the cloth tablecloth, still burning!! As I looked over, I could see a little fire burning right there on the table!! I could invision the tablecloth, chairs and finally floor catching on fire and to explain what happened to parents as their boys stood outside the house while firefighters were trying to gain control of the fire. I quickly leaned over and blew out the match before the entire tablecloth started on fire. I blew out the match so fast and furious that I accidentally blew out all the candles on the cake. I didn't really mind as I was saving the entire household from burning to the ground!
Try #2- I start again, boy #1 goes to the back of the group and another emerges, sure that he can out do the first attempt, and asks to help me light the candles. I am not a quick learner, so I say 'yes'. He starts and gets the match lit right away and even gets a few candles lit before he burns his finger and drops his match- this time, it lands squarely in the middle of the cake! Thankfully the cold ice-cream puts out the match immediately, but the match is now sitting on the top of the cake, looking very unappetizing. He decided that he would solve his own problem and blew out all the candles so that he could carefully pick the match off the cake. So there we were, back at the beginning once again.
Try #3- I again start lighting the candles and another boy steps in to help. I warn him that it is not a very good idea as the matches aren't that great. He lights a few candles and burns his finger. Thankfully, he doesn't blow out any candles! I continue lighting the candles and on one of the last ones, the match I am holding actually sticks to the candle I am lighting. As I pull it away, a part breaks off and comes with me and the other part sticks to the candle! In all my candle lighting experience, I have never seen a match do this before! I look to see what has happened to the half of the match that is now stuck fast to the candle. It is causing a small almost volcanic like eruption of wax that is flowing all over the cake.I thought that it would surely burn out, but the candle was continuing to feed the match and the flame became higher than I thought possible from such a tiny piece of wood. I have no choice but to blow it out. I blow very carefully so as not to disturb the other 12 lit candles. I think that it is all going well, and am almost applauding myself for keeping the other candles lit. However, my helper, despite his burnt finger, decides that he will help me and he blows as well- and all 12 candles go out once again!
Try#4- I ask the boys to stand back. This is war! I am going to light these candles if it is the last thing I do! I wish I had a lighter, or a blow torch, or maybe some gasoline. But the only thing I have was some more of these cheap, flimsy wooden matches. I light the candles as quick as I can and the boys start singing a rousing rendition of "Happy Birthday". The top of the cake looks more like pudding than ice-cream cake and I am glad that this will soon be over. Jonathan gets ready and leans over for the candle blowing and......
his younger brother decides that this lack of attention in his direction is just too much for him. He leans over and blows out every single candle!!
As I call Ron and ask him to gently remove him from the room before I do something to him that I shouldn't, the boys start laughing so hard that they can hardly talk. Yet, one manages to yell, "and that's a FAIL!!"
Well, 5 must be my lucky number, because on the fifth try, the candles lit, the song was sung AGAIN, because the boys thought they should (!) and the candles were all blown out. The cake was just a bit soupy on the top, but the boys said that it was the best cake they have ever tasted in their lives- so I guess maybe it wasn't a fail after all!