another day in paradise

Yesterday was a bit of a downer day for me. I wasn't feeling well physically, and by the end of the day, my emotional health was pretty drained. I scooped up Baby B, who is visiting, and went for a car ride to cool off. She was pretty cool with the whole go for a ride thing, and sat in the carseat looking at all the sites. I got to thinking about how I needed to be positive even when I wasn't feeling that great. I remembered a scripture from the Book of Mormon that I had read that morning: it went something like this: If you obey the commandments, the Lord will always deliver you". Now it doesn't say when or how he will deliver us, but I know that Lord keeps his promises; he has proven that to me many times before. As I thought about this scripture, I decided to pray for the Lord's help in delivering me from this depression. The thought came to me that I should drive home and although I didn't feel any better, I decided to follow the prompting. I would like to say that I got home, took baby B inside and I suddenly felt better, but that is not what happened. I did go inside and Ron was very patient and kind which helped. I made it through the evening without yelling at anyone or hiding in a closet, so kuddos to me!

Today was Sunday and when I heard Baby B crying at 7am, I quickly got up to get her so Ron could keep on sleeping. As I went to her room, I could hear someone else going in and picking her up- I couldn't figure out who it was. I turned the corner and there was Ron! I was so tired, I hadn't even figured out that he wasn't in bed! He told me to go back to bed and get some sleep and he would feed her breakfast. I was SO GRATEFUL to be able to get a bit more sleep as I have had early waking grandkids all week and I am not as young as I used to be when I had kids! ( In all honesty, I was never good at early rising and took pride in teaching my kids to sleep in- albeit there were mornings when it didn't turn out- right Michelle?! remember the honey and cheese whiz sandwiches in your bed? or painting Matthew with oil base paints from head to toe? Those both happened on an early morning when they were supposed to be sleeping in!!)

Anyways, I woke up again at 8:30 and got myself up and ready for church. I really didn't feel any better emotionally and I really didn't want to go to church, but I knew that if I truly wanted to feel better ( to be delivered) that I needed to do my part. So I drug my sorry self out the door and made it to church before the opening prayer. I went in and pretended I was feeling great: smiling and looking for those that seemed to need someone to talk to. I enjoyed the testimonies and the spirit that was there, but I didn't feel any better emotionally. By the end of sacrament meeting, Baby B was still cold ( oh yea, did I mention that her momma dropped her off with summer clothes, assuming this was summer- you know, short sleeved shirts etc but summer fooled us all and we are into something similar to autumn without the falling leaves, and spring without the snow- just all the rain). I took her to nursery and she did NOT want to go in. She clung to me, so I used that as the perfect excuse to take her home. We took a look around her house and found a sweater, some thick tights and dressed her up (and yes, E, they even matched!) Then I asked her if she was hungry (the only time she is not hungry is five minutes after she has eaten!), and she said yes. She ate two eggs, one pear, twenty or so raisins and drank a glass of water. We cleaned her up and she was very happy to be playing around. I had a tough decision to make: go back to play in primary or stay here and hide from everyone. Again the thoughts came that if I wanted to be delivered, I would need to actually do what I knew I should do. So, I packed us up and went back to church. Interestingly enough, baby B went into nursery without even a peep. I went back to the chapel and traded off the lady who was subbing for me on the piano. As I sat there listening to the songs the kids were singing, and looking at the kids singing/ fooling around, I felt the depression I had been feeling being lifted. As I listened to the testimonies being born, I didn't even remember that I had been depressed.

When the meeting was over, I was able to stand around and visit with people (which is very rare, as I am usually in primary until most everyone is gone and then my family is bugging me to leave so I rarely get to even talk to anyone- wa wa! ). Ron and I got to drive home alone together (which is also rare) and on the way home Ron commented on how happy I seemed. That was when I realized that I had, indeed, been delivered, when I hadn't even realized it.
And for that I am very grateful!