tough day, tough week!

Goofing off back in the good old days....

It's been a tough week around here!  Started with the family getting this stomach bug that causes vomitting or the runs- not a fun way to spend the days.  I guess it has been longer than one week, because we postponed #6's birthday celebrations because she and I were the only healthy ones, and I don't eat cake! (she did get a party with friends, at which her neice, my granddaughter, caught the nasty bug and projectile vomitted across the living room in which #6's 20 teenage friends were visiting! That's a party trick I am not sure I would NOT want to repeat! We have a shag rug in the living room that got a good spray and it now sits on the front porch as I just didn't have the time or the heart to clean it)
A trip for my hubby and I to Edmonton was postponed last weekend as he was spending the day attached to the bathroom.  My mom was at my sister's house for our supposed holiday, which turned out to be a good thing as she fainted/collapsed at church.  I am really, really grateful that it didn't happen at our ward where I was playing piano for our children's sacrament meeting presentation and there wasn't another pianist that could take over.  When I got home, there was a message that my mom was unconscious on the couch at my sister's church.  Needless to say, there were alot of phone calls, arrangements, etc. made until my Mom made it home again a few hours later.  I commented that it sounded like she had an exciting day at church and she said that she hadn't made it to church! I reminded her of what had happened and she did remember her head getting very heavy and going forward and then everything was blank after that. 
This week has now grown to include doctor's visits, lab tests and arranging visitors so that she is not home alone a lot. 
A late night call one night this week was another stressor.  #5 was having a difficult time/intense paranoia due and called for some comfort.  Many hours were spent over the course of the next few days talking to him, and to his social worker to see how to help him.  Turns out that unless you are going to harm yourself or others, there is not much one can do without the person's consent.  And so, instead of any help, he got on a bus and left the province.  After a lot of tears, and a lot of prayers, we heard from him tonight and he is headed for Alberta.  He seems to be finding the right bus connections and making his way alright.  When he mentioned something about the weekend, and I commented that it was still a few days till I was leaving town, he was confused.  "You know it is Wednesday, don't you?"  No, actually he didn't.  He thought it was Friday and that tomorrow was Saturday: that's my boy.
Then Halloween with all its commotion came- I used to love Halloween, making costumes, handing out candy, taking the kids around to see friends and collecting so much candy that I had to buy it back from them afterwards so that they wouldn't get sick!  But, this year, it was just tiring: it didn't help that the kitchen sink tap leaked into the basement and the ceiling there was drooping and sagging and the water was EVERYWHERE!  I had to cancel my practicum the next day so that I could be there to meet the plumber  repair guy that we love- he charged us $35 an hour plus materials and now we have a new tap that actually works.  Now it looks like the R.O. machine was also leaking and they can't make it out till tomorrow, so I have to call my practicum up AGAIN and dip into my time to go home for these repairmen to be there.  I can guarantee that they won't be charging us $35 an hour!
And so last night, I realized I couldn't face one more day at college.  I just couldn't do it.  I e-mailed my professor and told her I wouldn't be in.  I hoped that if I took the day to help my mom (she offered to host a ladies luncheon at our house and needed either me or my sister to be there to help out) and visit with the ladies there and spend some time getting my seminary lesson ready that maybe I could get some emotional stamina to continue on. 
I made myself a promise last night that I wouldn't let myself wallow in depression and sleep in, but that I would get up, and get ready and spend some quiet morning time reading my scriptures and praying to enlist the help of my Savior.  And so, when the alarm went off, although I did stay in bed for 10 minutes or so, listening to the CD/alarm clock play "peace like a river" I did actually get up and get my day going. Those minutes reading and writing were just what I needed to feel calmer and more capable of handling all this stress. 

I do have to tell you what I have been trying for the past month.  When a huge or even little problem or stressor comes across my path that I feel unable to deal with, I envision putting it into a wagon that my Savior and I carry together.  I visualize Him carrying the most of the weight and me pulling what little I can beside him.  This has been a huge help, and I have felt a great weight being lifted from me. When #5 called, I tried to visualize putting his problems in the wagon but I just couldn't see it. Finally I realized that I needed to give him to the Savior and He would carry him in His arms as He pulled the rest of the wagon.  And I cried....sad for my little boy so lost and lacking.....confused at what I should do next.....and grateful for my Saviour who willingly walks beside me.